Launch of Life Choices Las Vegas

My trip to Las Vegas for the launch of ‘Life Choices’ was amazing.  I met some incredible people whose stories also featured in the book.  From the cocktail party at ‘Las Vegas Rocks’ to the launch presentation at the Palace Station Casino Hotel it was a magical time.  I feel so privileged to be included in such an inspirational book.

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Coming soon – Life Choices

My story will be featured in an upcoming book,  Life Choices  -  Navigating Difficult Paths, an empowering collection of stories reminding us that we all have choices. These stories prove that success belongs to everyone,  no matter where they come from or what has happened to them. 

Due for release in Las Vegas in  January 2010 and  it will  then be available for purchase through my website.

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Discovery

I’ve been logging on from time to time with the real intention of writing something, but every time words fail me.

It is only now, having covered some personal distance that perhaps today, I’ll find the words to put together my ‘tale’ of personal discovery. I’ve been married for 7195 days and for about 6935 days, I’ve always wondered what if? Married too young, pregnant immediately and found myself ‘truly’ stuck in this relationship… Or so I thought. Only recently, being presented with a good reason and opportunity to free myself – low and behold, I could not do it. Naturally, came up with a 1001 reasons why I could not cut my losses and move on. Kids, money, parents etc. After some considerable personal struggle and plenty of self talk (professional help included ha-ha), I came to the realization that I’ve been fooling myself for too long.

Here I was with enough ammunition to call everything quits. Everyone will understand and be supportive. And yet … Finally, I get it. I love him. I really do. I don’t want to spend endless evenings wondering where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with… I don’t want that life.

He finally gets me (after 19 years and 8 months), he gets me. He knows who I am and what I need. And yet … here I was always thinking I wanted something else, someone different and never ‘happy’. What a lie….!

I’m married to a quiet & gentle man. He’s got so many good qualities that I’ve overlooked for too long. He is an amazing father and a good loving son to his parents. Most of all – a supportive husband that rarely gives his very ‘demanding’ wife grief. A good man, that’s been neglected for a long time. OK, from time to time, needs to show that he’s the man of the house, but overall allows me to do my own thing, give me the freedom to ‘succeed’ & grow and understands when I need to break out.

I’ve neglected this marriage and if ‘real’ happiness was missing, I’ve come to realize that I’m the driver in this. In my search for ‘realness’, romance, happiness and ‘whatever’, I’ve very nearly lost my true love. My first love. My only love.

Nice thing though – I’ve got a second chance to get this right. I’m taking it.

Thank you Mary – for being there when I needed it. Me talking, you listening – was part of my discovery.

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Come With Me to South Africa

COME WITH ME TO SOUTH AFRICA

By Judi Moreo

A gorgeous 6’ 2”, blond-haired, brown-eyed photographer was actually standing in the doorway to my office, laughing and smiling, saying, “Come with me to South Africa.”

I had never been outside of America.  And I had a modeling agency to run.  I hadn’t taken off for a holiday in 6 years.  His invitation was tempting, but I didn’t feel I could take the time for a vacation or holiday.  So, I thanked him and shrugged it off.  Perhaps one day I’d have time for holidays.

My secretary came into my office and asked, “Did HE just invite you to go with him to South Africa, visit his home country and meet his parents?”  “Yes,” I said.  “Wouldn’t he be surprised if I actually went?”  Then, the idea struck me.  “Buy me a ticket,” I told my secretary, “And get me the seat next to his. It will be a wonderful joke. After we show him the ticket and see what he says, we’ll cash it back in.”  She bought the ticket. The next time he came into my office, I showed it to him and, sure enough, he was surprised.

“I invite everyone to come to South Africa,” he said, “but no one ever accepts.  I will call my mother and have her make arrangements for you.”  And out he went.

What great fun!  We had called his bluff and were thoroughly enjoying our little joke.  About an hour later, my secretary came in and said, “I think the joke is on us.  I didn’t realize I bought you a non-refundable ticket.”

What started out as nothing more than a joke ended up becoming an ultimate vacation.

I met my South African photographer friend, Vimmi, at the airport and within an hour, we were on our way to South Africa.  I couldn’t recall ever having been so excited.  I must have asked him 100 questions in the first hour.  He explained to me in no uncertain terms that he was going home to see his family and had no intention of entertaining a foreigner by doing touristy things and sightseeing.  Once we changed planes in New York, he took a sleeping pill and went to sleep leaving me to my excitement and questions.  I read the literature that my secretary had collected for me.   I learned about Johannesburg, Pretoria (the capital of South Africa), Durban , Cape Town, and Sun City (a gaming resort in what is called “a homeland”).  I watched movies and talked to the people who were seated around me.  It was a 10-hour flight from New York to Johannesburg, so there was plenty of time to meet the other passengers and get to know them.  Many of them were from South Africa and others had visited before, so they gave me pointers and sightseeing tips.

Vimmi’s mother, Marty, met us at the airport in Johannesburg and they drove me to the Landrost Hotel, downtown, where she had made a reservation for me. It was a beautiful, old, historical hotel with dark wood paneling, high ceilings, plush furnishings and Persian rugs. I felt like royalty. Once I was checked in, they left and I went to my room. I was alone. Not only was I alone, I was alone in a foreign country about which I knew nothing except what I had read in those brochures and learned from the people I had talked to on the plane. What was I to do?

Early the next morning, I went down to the lobby and consulted the concierge who told me a tour that day was not possible as you had to make a reservation on the previous day. But, he said he would arrange tours for me for the next three days. Today, he recommended, I should put my money in my boot and my camera in a paper bag and take a walk around downtown. The idea of the paper bag was not to look like a tourist. It wasn’t long until I figured out that my disguise probably wasn’t working as my flaming red hair and brightly colored attire were really out of place in the business district of Johannesburg. Everyone I passed wore grey, black, or tweed business suits. I noticed one man in particular as he was dressed in black and white; everything was stark, beautiful, tailored, and expensive. He was more striking than Tom Selleck at his peak of popularity; he smiled as he passed me. I was lingering and looking in store windows, noticing the architecture, going in and out of stores, looking at tourist treasures and didn’t think too much about it when I passed him again a while later. Once again, he smiled and nodded.

As I stopped for the light before crossing the street at the corner of Coetze and Kline, I happened to look up and see a small outdoor café on the second floor of a building across the street. The cafe was located on an outdoor terrace with many colored umbrellas shading the tables from the sun. I was thinking how beautiful it was when the Tom Selleck look-alike walked up behind me and said something that I didn’t understand. So I said to him, “I’m sorry. I only speak English.”

“I was speaking English,” he replied in a heavy accent.

“What did you say?”

“I said that I’ve been running up and down this street for a half hour now trying to find out if anyone knew you so they could introduce me, but no one did, so I figured I’d better introduce myself before you get away. I’m Jeff Hoffman.”

“Well, nice to meet you Mr. Hoffman.”

“Would you like to have a coffee?” he asked indicating we should go to that charming café that I had been admiring. I saw no harm in sitting in an outdoor café, having coffee with the most handsome man I had seen in many years, so I agreed to go for “a coffee.”

Mr. Hoffman turned out to be divorced, a few years older than me, a successful businessman, and he was very interesting. He offered to show me around Johannesburg, but I explained that I had tours booked for the next few days. He then suggested that he drive me back to my hotel. I said that if he’d like to walk me back and point out the sites of downtown I would be happy to have him accompany me. So we walked, talked, and arrived at the hotel a couple of hours later. He invited me to dinner and I agreed as long as it was in the dining room at the hotel. After all, I was in a foreign country and didn’t know him at all. After dinner, he said “Good night” and that he would call.

The next day, I took my first tour. I had fun talking to people that I probably never would have talked with had I not been alone. I met people from England, Australia, and Asia. We saw the city, watched a performance of African dancers, toured a gold mine and even panned for gold. As the bus pulled up to let me off at my hotel, I saw Jeff Hoffman standing on the curb.

“Hi,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to make sure you get a good dinner,” he said. Once again, we had a fabulous meal and enjoyed talking with each other about our different cultures and our lives. He explained to me that he was from Rhodesia and when the communists took over his country, he had moved to South Africa with his family. I was fascinated with his life and he was happy to share his experiences with me.

Each evening, as I returned from my daily tour, he was standing at the bus stop waiting to take me to dinner. Then I went on a three day tour to the Kruger National park, where I photographed animals in the wild. Everyone on the tour slept in round huts with thatched roofs called rondovals. In the Kruger Park, all eight of us who were on the tour ate our meals together and had cocktails called “sundowners” in the bush as we watched the sun go down. We even had dinner in the bush…a fabulous dinner served on folding tables with white table cloths, china, and even candles. Later we observed the night creatures as they came out of their daily hiding. What a wonderful adventure I was having.

Sure enough, when the tour bus pulled up to return me to the Landrost, there he was again. He said he figured that by now, I would need some clean clothes. He had come to take me to dinner and pick up my dirty laundry. He said that I should not pay the high hotel prices for having my laundry done, but give it to him and he would ask his maid to do it for me. Then, when we were together on Friday evening, he suggested that on Saturday he would take me to the Indian market. Surely, I could trust him enough by now to get in his car. After all, he had returned my clothing!

So Saturday, we went to the Indian market, shopped, ate exotic Indian foods, laughed, walked, and shopped some more. He invited me to his home for dinner.

On Sunday morning, Vimmi called wondering where I had been. They hadn’t heard from me all week and were beginning to worry. He said he was also feeling guilty that he had dropped me downtown and left me on my own to fend for myself. I told him I was having a wonderful time, but he insisted that he and his mother were going to Sun City, the gambling mecca in Bophutaswana, to see an entertainer by the name of Julio Iglesias. Julio was not yet known in the United States, so I had never heard of him, but I felt it would be fun to travel and see a bit more of the country. I packed up my bags and went off with Vim and Marty to see Julio’s show.

Marty had forgotten to fill up the gas tank in the car which caused us to run out of gas half way to our destination. So I called Jeff and he brought us some “petrol” for the car. Marty invited him to join us on our trip but he said he didn’t want to impose; after all, he had a business to run.

We were late arriving in Sun City and had missed most of the show. We made our way into the showroom in our traveling clothes, just in time to see Julio sing his last song. Marty was very upset. The tickets had cost her a lot of money and she had really wanted to see Julio’s show. Not knowing who he was and being from Las Vegas, I said I was sure that we’d be able to go backstage and meet him. So we marched up to Stage Door 4 where a group of ladies were screaming and jumping up and down. I walked right to the front of the crowd, with Marty in tow, presented Las Vegas modeling agency business card to the security guard, and said, “Please tell Julio that I’m here.” Before long the security guard came back with a gentleman who asked us to follow him.

Back stage, reporters from around the world waited to interview Julio, as waiters in black tails and white gloves served champagne and hors d’oeuvres. Needless to say, we were a bit underdressed in our traveling jeans and t-shirts. I even had a chocolate drip on the front on my shirt – the result of having eaten a candy bar in the car after it had melted in the sun. Julio entered the room with my card in his hand and said, “Judi, how nice of you to come.”

“This is my friend, Marty,” I said, “She so wanted to see your show but we ran out of gasoline and were late and missed all but the last song. Please will you autograph her program?”

He not only autographed the program, he took Marty’s face in his hands, kissed her on the cheeks, and sang her a song. She was blown away! He then greeted the press, thanked everyone for coming and when we finished our drinks, we said our goodbyes. Marty and I were like teenage girls as we went outside and sat on the patio, giggling, not believing that we had managed to get in backstage and that Julio actually sang to her and kissed her cheeks. She swore she would never wash her face again.

The following morning, we went out to sit by the pool and Julio was already there. He called to us, “Judi…Marty…come and say hello.” We were ecstatic. We spent the day swimming, parasailing, and waterskiing. We ran into some friends from Las Vegas who were now dancers in the production show at the Sun City Hotel. It was such a glorious day; it was incredibly beautiful there and we had such a wonderful time.

When I got back to my room, there was a message to call Jeff so I did. He asked if upon my return to Johannesburg, he could take me to out to a small town about 50 km outside of the city to meet his father, sister, and her family.

That, too, turned out to be a wonderful outing. His family members were all so nice and asked many questions about America and my life there. They served a wonderful meal and told me about their lives.

Vimmi then decided I should go to Cape Town to the beach for a few days with him and Marty. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. Vim and I laid on the beach in the sun and watched gorgeous people walk by; everyone was friendly and they all smiled at us. I was sure they were smiling because they somehow knew I was from America. Vimmi swore they were smiling at him. We enjoyed granadilla popsicles at the beach, ate out at the Greek restaurant on the corner down from Marty’s apartment, and drove around the Cape giving real baboons rides on the hood of the car around the downtown area. I was fascinated by how the baboons would wait on the side of the road for cars going out to the beach, jump on the car and ride one way; later, they’d jump on a car to ride back to the edge of the city. Imagine….hitchhiking baboons!

Jeff called every night and when we arrived back in Johannesburg once again, he was waiting for me. I only had two days left before I was to return home. We spent almost every waking second together…sightseeing, shopping, we even attended his son’s cricket game.

When the day came for me to return home, Jeff drove me to the airport to say goodbye. We stopped at a restaurant near the airport to have lunch. As we finished lunch, this wonderful, stylish, kind man with dark hair and dark eyes pulled out a small box and gave it to me. I opened it and discovered a beautiful, handmade gold ring set with a champagne diamond. Jeff smiled at me and said, “Come back to South Africa and be my wife.”

Editor’s Note:  Jeff Hoffman died two months before they were to be married.  Judi moved to South Africa anyway and remained there for 8 years.

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Poem of Desire

Poem of Desire

Inner turmoil

Should I?

A gentle circling

Your fingers on my breast

We cannot progress

- Beyond this touch -

Suspended in this moment

Subtle acknowledgement

Desire awakened

We come together

Inevitably

We cannot hold back

Just this once

Attuned to each other’s rhythm

Being true to ourselves

So often we deny

The truth so long concealed

This must be the first time

And the last time

I can never have you

But I will always yearn for you

Mary Monaghan

Featured in the anthology ‘Writing the Self’

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My next book

My next book

I’ve just finished the first draft of my second book, it is now being reviewed by some readers and then the edit process begins.  Working title at this stage is ‘Who do you beloiong to?’ it brings my story right up to date.

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Judy’s Story

Hi Mary

As promised I said I would email you when I had finished reading your book.  As you have probably guessed I couldn’t put it down and read at every conceivable moment.  What is it with the Irish?  I could relate so much to your life’s story being married to a charming Irishman and knowing and having lived in all the places you mentioned.  Just to quickly mention that I was his 3rd wife (met him 6 months after his divorce to number 2) and he is now on his fourth marriage and living in Wynberg.  I can understand your persistence in trying to find him and I did the same. Once I had received closure I was happy to let go.   It was easier for me as he appeared on a visitors list at Kelvin Grove and I was doing the registering with a friend.  I told her I wouldn’t help her as I was really dead beat after the busy week.  She said I think you would like to as your ex is on the list and there is only one ‘Barklie’ spelt the same as you in S.A.  I hadn’t had contact with him for 10 years but at least I had been divorced from him.  Anyway enough of me and I am sure you get a lot of people trying to relate their own experiences to you.  You have been through so much you deserve to be happy.  You know that they never forget and I am sure John’s conscience pricks him every day of his life.  They live in an existence of pretending they are happy but that is never the case.   I enjoyed reading your book and found it very inspiring.  If anybody survived and did it with the utmost dignity – you have.  Thank you for giving me a new lease to life and proving that there is hope and a life after John, in my case Adrian.

Best wishes and a pleasure meeting you.

Judy

Tags: Story
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Screenplay update

Many readers of my book suggested that my story would make a great film so I have now adapted it into a screenplay and I am really happy with how it has turned out. Now all that remains is to find an agent/producer and then we’ll see it on the big/small screen.

Stay Tuned for updates!

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Chicca’s Story

Dear Mary Monaghan,

I am an Italian girl who now lives back home in Genova, Italy, but who lived in Ireland for a few years from 1993 to 1996. Last night I listened to the Gerry Adams programme on the Internet and I was shocked to hear your story, which I also recorded. I immediately asked a friend who’s now in England to buy me your book.

I swear I was in tears when I heard it as unfortunately I had a similar one with my ex-Irish boyfriend I was almost engaged with for almost 5 years, from 1993 to 1997. He disappeared on me when I was in Italy and he was in Ireland. On Easter 1997 he said to me “I’ll call you Wednesday, I love you” and never heard from him for two years. Months later his father told me he had gone to live with another woman. Two years later, when I managed to speak to him again, he told me he had just had a child from her. I was devasted looking for him first and finding out what he had done then.

What’s worse, he rang me again this year (after 9 years!) to say he was so sorry and he wanted to go back as he loved me and he had left the girlfriend as he hated her. Well, after two months of emails he had been sending me, I rang his parents’s house and his mother told me he was still living with that girs as he was married!!

What’s wrong with these guys?? I think Gerry is right, they have psychiatric problems!

“Sing me a love song, drop me a line, suppose it’s just a point of view” sings Robbie Williams in No Regrets.

I can’t wait to read your book and thank you for telling your story and writing about it. I could never do anything to retaliate against that guy, but yesterday I thought that speaking about it on the Irish radio would just be the thing to do as we didn’t deserve all this!

I hope your path of love is now going smoothly for you and that you have some nice male company. I never really recovered from what happened as I have totally lost trust in men.

Best of luck with your book!

Chicca

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Reader Comments

“Excellent Read – I was told of Mary’s story by a mutual friend/acquaintence who gave me her book to read yesterday, needless to say I completed it wthin a few hours in between nursing my baby.

Astonishing is the callous and cowardice of her husband John who abandons her with heaps of debt.

Amazing is Mary’s courage love and patience and hope, which endures, but is wasted on John.”

“Mary, your story is such an inspiration ….”

“May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand” – Tanya

” ive just heard your story on radio scotland with kay adams and ive just ordered your book cant wait to read it.” – Ac
“Just finished your book. A Great Read.
What a Wally John is…..” - Siobhan M.

“You’re a Saint Mary! Thoroughly enjoyed your book and can’t wait for a follow-up book with some happy moments for you to share with us.”- Therese (australia)

“i loved your book. i kept reading and reading til i finished. really enjoyed it well done Mary. Cant wait for your next book” -  Maggie

” you should had left much earlier.At least after
you should had left much earlier.After six months at the most….” – Sylvia A.

“I heard your interview last night (15/07/07) on BBC Radio 5, I think your attitude and what you have been through is a true inspiration. I am ordering your book now!” – Katie S.

“I heard your electric interview on Gerry Ryan. Truly captivating – you are obviously a great storyteller. What struck me most was your capacity for compassion and forgiveness – a complete willingness for understanding. It was inspiring. Take care and good luck.”

“What an amazing story – poignant and brave. A true story of survival against the odds – told with compassion and great intelligence. A very compelling read. My book of the year.” – Marian M.

“I enjoyed reading it, very interesting.
Well done !” – Bridie R.

“Loved the book, very interesting, Your an inspiring Lady” – Mary W.

“What a story! What a girl! What can one say but well done you’re a star.” – Judy B.

“Loved the book. I couldn’t put it down till I had finished it. Well done ! I am now waiting for the next book, don’t keep us waiting too long!” - Ann K.

“What an inspiring story.” – Andrea K.

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